Friday, March 26, 2004
I am a chicken, I dont want to be, but I am. there is no denying it.
I have seen Tori so many times, and yet I still havent spoken to her, what else is there to explain?
I want to speak to her but I just can't bring myself to walk walk up to her and open my mouth. Io am afraid, that is the reason. I would love to speak to her, and I hope that she wold feel the same.But there is the big IF that is the matter. What IF she doesnt like me, what IF she doesnt want to speak to me at all... What IF she laughs at me?
It is the IF that matters, and I yet I need to know if she likes me. I have to take the risk, but I dont know how...
(A very deep post, maybe I am being a bit too harsh on myself though..)
///Simmo 12:00 (freaky)
I have seen Tori so many times, and yet I still havent spoken to her, what else is there to explain?
I want to speak to her but I just can't bring myself to walk walk up to her and open my mouth. Io am afraid, that is the reason. I would love to speak to her, and I hope that she wold feel the same.But there is the big IF that is the matter. What IF she doesnt like me, what IF she doesnt want to speak to me at all... What IF she laughs at me?
It is the IF that matters, and I yet I need to know if she likes me. I have to take the risk, but I dont know how...
(A very deep post, maybe I am being a bit too harsh on myself though..)
///Simmo 12:00 (freaky)
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
I didnt need a quiz to tell me this...
//Simmo
Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.
//Simmo
Love. You Truly Desire Love. You long for someone
to hold you and take the pain away. You haven't
been in much relationships or you need to work
on how to handle them. You always seem lost in
a daydream about the person you care about
most.
PLEASE RATE
What Do You Truly Desire? *PICS*
brought to you by Quizilla
Monday, March 22, 2004
Who would have known such a small step could make such an impact. or maybe it wasnt as small as I am thinking it is.
I have thought abuot going out with another girl, but until now I had not known how to do that. And although I haven't spoken to her yet, but I have done something about that too. I have talked to someone that knows her and he is going to get her number.
Her name is Tori and whats different is what is the same, in a good way.
I smiled when I saw her face, and I want to get to know her.
This friend also told me that she is a funny and down to earth girl.
Even if I only become friends with Tori, it will be what was ment to happen and I want to know Tori no matter what the circumstances.
I feel that if I dont do anything, I will be stuck in a depressed, sefl pitying situation. And I dont want to be like that, I want to get on with my life...
3:02pm
I have thought abuot going out with another girl, but until now I had not known how to do that. And although I haven't spoken to her yet, but I have done something about that too. I have talked to someone that knows her and he is going to get her number.
Her name is Tori and whats different is what is the same, in a good way.
I smiled when I saw her face, and I want to get to know her.
This friend also told me that she is a funny and down to earth girl.
Even if I only become friends with Tori, it will be what was ment to happen and I want to know Tori no matter what the circumstances.
I feel that if I dont do anything, I will be stuck in a depressed, sefl pitying situation. And I dont want to be like that, I want to get on with my life...
3:02pm
Friday, March 19, 2004
A quote I heard from someone:
"Maybe a really good relationship is one where the learning goes both ways; where both members of the couple learn about new things from the other."
If those words are true than the relationship that I was in with Tasha was a good relationship.
I am still unsure of the feelings that I feel now, is it happiness for what I have experienced, Sadness that it is over, or both.
I look back at the times that I spend with Tasha and I smile, for they were good. And I still see them as good, even though I know I will never be with Tasha ever again.
I do not have any regrets from the relationship. Unless you count the things that I experienced out of sadness, anger or the time that I thought that it wasn't fair that it was over. At these times I still thought that I could get back together with Tasha, so I cannot rely on my feelings from back then.
Anyways, those times were good, and I think I know what that feeling is; its a feeling of longing. I want those feelings again, but don't missinterpret that, I don't want to somehow patch things up with Tasha and become her boyfriend again. I know that it is over and after each day I am beginning to move on. It is happening slowly, but it is happening.
I guess now I am longing for another relationship, something that will learn so much about myself and her.
The things that I got out of my relationship with Tasha was basically a major ego boost. I found out that a girl could find me attractive. I thought that could never happen, although it was inevitable that some girls would find me attractive.
And now that I know of the happiness that I can feel and the happiness I can give. I long to go out with someone.
Not putting Tasha down in any way. I am just speaking frankly. I want a relationship where she doesn't feel insecure about the slightest touch. "like candy, but you can't get the wrapper off" sums it up nicely. I am not blaming Tasha or myself anymore, whets done is done and thinking about the past in a negative way will not do me any good anymore. I want a relationship where more happens then just hugging and holding hands. I know that Tasha cared for me, but if she did, then why did she leave me for her ex? I wont continue on that note it leads me down a path that I have been down before, I want to look ahead.
And in the end, is it so selfish to want more, I just was to experience what it is like to kiss someone and for them to want to kiss me. That isn't selfish is it?
Most of my blogs have been very emotionally revealing, but this blog shows more than ever what I desire, and because of that, it is one of my most revealing.
I have learnt some things from Tasha yes, but that doesn't mean that is all that I can learn from life. I am not being selfish, neither am I blaming people, I'm not even bitter. I just want to move on from this part of my life...
///Simmo
"Maybe a really good relationship is one where the learning goes both ways; where both members of the couple learn about new things from the other."
If those words are true than the relationship that I was in with Tasha was a good relationship.
I am still unsure of the feelings that I feel now, is it happiness for what I have experienced, Sadness that it is over, or both.
I look back at the times that I spend with Tasha and I smile, for they were good. And I still see them as good, even though I know I will never be with Tasha ever again.
I do not have any regrets from the relationship. Unless you count the things that I experienced out of sadness, anger or the time that I thought that it wasn't fair that it was over. At these times I still thought that I could get back together with Tasha, so I cannot rely on my feelings from back then.
Anyways, those times were good, and I think I know what that feeling is; its a feeling of longing. I want those feelings again, but don't missinterpret that, I don't want to somehow patch things up with Tasha and become her boyfriend again. I know that it is over and after each day I am beginning to move on. It is happening slowly, but it is happening.
I guess now I am longing for another relationship, something that will learn so much about myself and her.
The things that I got out of my relationship with Tasha was basically a major ego boost. I found out that a girl could find me attractive. I thought that could never happen, although it was inevitable that some girls would find me attractive.
And now that I know of the happiness that I can feel and the happiness I can give. I long to go out with someone.
Not putting Tasha down in any way. I am just speaking frankly. I want a relationship where she doesn't feel insecure about the slightest touch. "like candy, but you can't get the wrapper off" sums it up nicely. I am not blaming Tasha or myself anymore, whets done is done and thinking about the past in a negative way will not do me any good anymore. I want a relationship where more happens then just hugging and holding hands. I know that Tasha cared for me, but if she did, then why did she leave me for her ex? I wont continue on that note it leads me down a path that I have been down before, I want to look ahead.
And in the end, is it so selfish to want more, I just was to experience what it is like to kiss someone and for them to want to kiss me. That isn't selfish is it?
Most of my blogs have been very emotionally revealing, but this blog shows more than ever what I desire, and because of that, it is one of my most revealing.
I have learnt some things from Tasha yes, but that doesn't mean that is all that I can learn from life. I am not being selfish, neither am I blaming people, I'm not even bitter. I just want to move on from this part of my life...
///Simmo
Friday, March 05, 2004
4:42pm/It's always good to find things out, no matter how old the information is it is still valid. And it not old to me. I guess now I can rely move on and my mind may finally decide to let go...
I guess I should say what is actually bothering me, its kinda necessary for you to understand what the hell I am talking about.
I talked to Walldo not two moments ago, to get some advice on the Tasha situation, and I have finally found out something that will help me move on once and for all. I know I shouldnt hate her, but I feel like it, I am being such a dickhead atm. I mean yesterday I was saying I would be happy if she was coping better than me. And she most definitely is. She is going out with someone. I feel sick to the stomach, knowing that I still feel for her, and that is now but a shadow of a hope. I should be happy, this is what I have been waiting almost 2 months for. And if it is even possible I feel more confused than I have ever been, I mean things are just happening to me one after another, and they are beginning to pile up. I guess I am naive to think that she is feeling exactly the same as me. She has been in more relationships than me, she has learnt to cope. I on the other hand am almost an Adult and only just now am I learning the pain of relationships. It really makes you think, is it all worth it. With hope I think that any risk is worth it, but with the despair that I am experiencing now, I am thinking that all that love has to off er-- is pain. Love is cruel, it hits a naive person, and makes them as happy as they have ever been (It gives them a huge pile of cheese - I really have to finish that book, I am only a few pages in and I am already learning heaps). And then as soon as you are starting to enjoy the Cheese, it is snatched away, leaving you (it seems) with nothing at all. But there is something there; pain, despair and longing for what was lost. No matter how little the relationship was I at least had some cheese.
You know that I havent really cried for almost a year? That is by far the longest time I have gone without expressing my emotions in some kind of visiblefear or anger...
Damn, now I need to explain it. My way of coping with the extremes of emotions was to get very angry, try and take revenge on the dealer of the pain I was feeling in a very spontaneous way. This was more often or not in relation to bullies. But as most of you know, The Wall was the best place for me to change (but that is a different story). I forgot to mention the aftermath, because the course of action that I chose the retaliate was most often futile, it just meant more humiliation, and thus the bullies got the response they got now, I cried, I cried until I couldn't cry any more most times. And this cycle continued for some amount of time. Another thing is that this anger may have seemed spontaneous at the time, but it is actually at a very precise moment, I can pinpoint the exact things that caused it. I should stop calling it anger, although it was, it was really my raw emotion at the time, what I was feeling at that moment and time, in a highly visible form. People constantly tormented me, the "little" things that they did were of no concern to the teachers and most of the time it didn't bother me at that time. But I always did something that in hindsight I shouldn't have. The teachers said for me to ignore it, and that is what I did, but I did not discard it. I bottled it up, and those little things became one big problem, that could only be dispensed of with a show of raw emotion.
That is what crying is for me a release, a way for me to clean the slate and start over. Of course I am not like that any more, a lot of bad things would have to happen to me at the moment for that to happen, and look. What a coincidence. They have!
But I do not get angry, truly angry at people anymore. Sure I yell and swear sometimes, but that is anger from the surface, not from the deepest parts of my soul.
I guess the main key to this all is to let it out in short bursts, and I am doing it right now, by writing a blog I can express what I am feeling in the deepest parts of my soul. Most importantly I am not hurting anyone, or myself.
Now that's done, since I really haven't cried in so long, and at the moment this is the closest that I have been to crying. I know I want to, but its like I have forgotten how to cry of something. There would have been time in my past in which I would have loved for this day to come, but at the moment all I wanna do is cry. To cleanse my soul of all the hurt and the pain that it has been feeling for the past 2 months.
Another thing that is worth mentioning is, that just after speaking to a friend is a time in which I do not feel despair or pain. Most times that is, not all of them have such glorious results.
Another thing that will make me feel a bit better and will really help me enjoy Bea's party on Saturday is that I have heard Tasha wont be going. At the moment it would just destroy me to see her there, and it would do even more damage if her Boyfriend was to be with her too. My emotions, I thought I knew them all, but I was wrong, It is like starting from the beginning again. As I said before I am very confused at the moment and I have found the perfect word to start describing how I am feeling at the moment Vulnerable.
My last post was my last glimmer of hope, and now it lies before me shattered, and unrecognisable.
I am still waiting for the time in which I will reach a turning point. This most definitely a landmark in the road to me finding someone new, because now I am finally coming to the realisation that there is no hope for the past, and the past can never be changed, so there is no point in sitting on my own, remembering the moments which brought me such happiness, and looking at them with sad eyes and hope. Wishing for Those times to be a reality again will bring me no joy, and will only give me more despair.
I'm sure that if I was to continue reading the Cheese book I will find more answers, it has proved to be true for this part of the leg. I only hope that it will help give me some way of getting through the next parts of my life. I will try to find a e-book version, if it is helping me already, it will help others, but at the very least it will help give you more of an insight to what I am feeling now.
The false hope, helped me get through the last few weeks, but has it really helped, me? I am still when it boils down to it, at the same point that I was when Tasha asked me whether our relationship was working.
I do not think that I am blaming her, but if ever I am put in that same position again, only this time I am the one telling, I would hope that I have the courtousy to tell the person this stuff face to face. Not being able to see a person saying such meaningful (and whether intended or not hurtful) words leaves out so much, body language is very important, and the eyes. The eyes are the most important, they can say what words never will. But it is over now. No matter how hard I try I know that I will never forget her, she was my first girlfriend, and nothing will change that. Just as I know that things will never be the same. Whatever she may have felt for me is either gone or has changed so much that it is only a memory.
As I try to figure things out, I still have no answers. And I don't think I ever will, but I don't feel alone. It is amazing how many people have had similar experiences to me. And it is comforting, to know that nothing is wrong with me, and that no one is to blame in the end.
I just have to learn to move on from this particularly low part of my life. I have seen others that have bee depressed, and they have beaten it. And are better people as a result.
I hope it will be a similar thing for me...
////Simmo 6:05pm
I guess I should say what is actually bothering me, its kinda necessary for you to understand what the hell I am talking about.
I talked to Walldo not two moments ago, to get some advice on the Tasha situation, and I have finally found out something that will help me move on once and for all. I know I shouldnt hate her, but I feel like it, I am being such a dickhead atm. I mean yesterday I was saying I would be happy if she was coping better than me. And she most definitely is. She is going out with someone. I feel sick to the stomach, knowing that I still feel for her, and that is now but a shadow of a hope. I should be happy, this is what I have been waiting almost 2 months for. And if it is even possible I feel more confused than I have ever been, I mean things are just happening to me one after another, and they are beginning to pile up. I guess I am naive to think that she is feeling exactly the same as me. She has been in more relationships than me, she has learnt to cope. I on the other hand am almost an Adult and only just now am I learning the pain of relationships. It really makes you think, is it all worth it. With hope I think that any risk is worth it, but with the despair that I am experiencing now, I am thinking that all that love has to off er-- is pain. Love is cruel, it hits a naive person, and makes them as happy as they have ever been (It gives them a huge pile of cheese - I really have to finish that book, I am only a few pages in and I am already learning heaps). And then as soon as you are starting to enjoy the Cheese, it is snatched away, leaving you (it seems) with nothing at all. But there is something there; pain, despair and longing for what was lost. No matter how little the relationship was I at least had some cheese.
You know that I havent really cried for almost a year? That is by far the longest time I have gone without expressing my emotions in some kind of visiblefear or anger...
Damn, now I need to explain it. My way of coping with the extremes of emotions was to get very angry, try and take revenge on the dealer of the pain I was feeling in a very spontaneous way. This was more often or not in relation to bullies. But as most of you know, The Wall was the best place for me to change (but that is a different story). I forgot to mention the aftermath, because the course of action that I chose the retaliate was most often futile, it just meant more humiliation, and thus the bullies got the response they got now, I cried, I cried until I couldn't cry any more most times. And this cycle continued for some amount of time. Another thing is that this anger may have seemed spontaneous at the time, but it is actually at a very precise moment, I can pinpoint the exact things that caused it. I should stop calling it anger, although it was, it was really my raw emotion at the time, what I was feeling at that moment and time, in a highly visible form. People constantly tormented me, the "little" things that they did were of no concern to the teachers and most of the time it didn't bother me at that time. But I always did something that in hindsight I shouldn't have. The teachers said for me to ignore it, and that is what I did, but I did not discard it. I bottled it up, and those little things became one big problem, that could only be dispensed of with a show of raw emotion.
That is what crying is for me a release, a way for me to clean the slate and start over. Of course I am not like that any more, a lot of bad things would have to happen to me at the moment for that to happen, and look. What a coincidence. They have!
But I do not get angry, truly angry at people anymore. Sure I yell and swear sometimes, but that is anger from the surface, not from the deepest parts of my soul.
I guess the main key to this all is to let it out in short bursts, and I am doing it right now, by writing a blog I can express what I am feeling in the deepest parts of my soul. Most importantly I am not hurting anyone, or myself.
Now that's done, since I really haven't cried in so long, and at the moment this is the closest that I have been to crying. I know I want to, but its like I have forgotten how to cry of something. There would have been time in my past in which I would have loved for this day to come, but at the moment all I wanna do is cry. To cleanse my soul of all the hurt and the pain that it has been feeling for the past 2 months.
Another thing that is worth mentioning is, that just after speaking to a friend is a time in which I do not feel despair or pain. Most times that is, not all of them have such glorious results.
Another thing that will make me feel a bit better and will really help me enjoy Bea's party on Saturday is that I have heard Tasha wont be going. At the moment it would just destroy me to see her there, and it would do even more damage if her Boyfriend was to be with her too. My emotions, I thought I knew them all, but I was wrong, It is like starting from the beginning again. As I said before I am very confused at the moment and I have found the perfect word to start describing how I am feeling at the moment Vulnerable.
My last post was my last glimmer of hope, and now it lies before me shattered, and unrecognisable.
I am still waiting for the time in which I will reach a turning point. This most definitely a landmark in the road to me finding someone new, because now I am finally coming to the realisation that there is no hope for the past, and the past can never be changed, so there is no point in sitting on my own, remembering the moments which brought me such happiness, and looking at them with sad eyes and hope. Wishing for Those times to be a reality again will bring me no joy, and will only give me more despair.
I'm sure that if I was to continue reading the Cheese book I will find more answers, it has proved to be true for this part of the leg. I only hope that it will help give me some way of getting through the next parts of my life. I will try to find a e-book version, if it is helping me already, it will help others, but at the very least it will help give you more of an insight to what I am feeling now.
The false hope, helped me get through the last few weeks, but has it really helped, me? I am still when it boils down to it, at the same point that I was when Tasha asked me whether our relationship was working.
I do not think that I am blaming her, but if ever I am put in that same position again, only this time I am the one telling, I would hope that I have the courtousy to tell the person this stuff face to face. Not being able to see a person saying such meaningful (and whether intended or not hurtful) words leaves out so much, body language is very important, and the eyes. The eyes are the most important, they can say what words never will. But it is over now. No matter how hard I try I know that I will never forget her, she was my first girlfriend, and nothing will change that. Just as I know that things will never be the same. Whatever she may have felt for me is either gone or has changed so much that it is only a memory.
As I try to figure things out, I still have no answers. And I don't think I ever will, but I don't feel alone. It is amazing how many people have had similar experiences to me. And it is comforting, to know that nothing is wrong with me, and that no one is to blame in the end.
I just have to learn to move on from this particularly low part of my life. I have seen others that have bee depressed, and they have beaten it. And are better people as a result.
I hope it will be a similar thing for me...
////Simmo 6:05pm
Wednesday, March 03, 2004
Lost chances, love lost it seems, and too much time to think about those times...
Is it wrong to still like her? or is it selfish, like a child still clinging to a moment that is lost?
Should I try again? she could be thinking the same things as me. Could I get a second chance, do I deserve a second chance?
These past few weeks have given me a lot time to think and I am slowly putting them into words. Though I still like Tasha I can now accept the fact that she may not. But still I must know, I don't know how she feels, but I still want to know. At the very least I want to know how she is going and most importantly, how she is coping. I am just hoping that maybe I am not alone, and that maybe she may be feeling the same thin, but I am also hoping she is coping with it a bit better than I am.
I guess what this whole post it really about is the fact that I am battling myself. One half wants to speak to Tasha so badly no matter what she say to me.
The other half want to get back to a sense of normality, either that or deep down that part is scared of rejection yet again.
We all long to be with another person. It will drive us to the extremes of our emotions, both the positive and the negative.
This post couldn't be more timely. It was brought upon by a conversation with a friend of mine
-------
[05:06:13 PM] (li)"If a Ta: do u still like her
[05:06:16 PM] (li)"If a Ta: it sounds like u do
[05:07:00 PM] Simmo - "YAY: In the end it doesn't matter if I still
like her, its wether she likes me anymore...
[05:07:29 PM] (li)"If a Ta: maybe ring her and ask in general chat is
she still single
[05:07:40 PM] (li)"If a Ta: and then ask if u can meet somewhere and
talk
[05:08:09 PM] Simmo - "YAY: makes sense seeing I haven't seen her since
last year
[05:08:28 PM] (li)"If a Ta: and if she is still available ask if she
wants
[05:08:40 PM] (li)"If a Ta: tor try again or your terms her and urs
[05:09:23 PM] Simmo - "YAY: yea, but i have put those chances to be
very low
[05:10:26 PM] (li)"If a Ta: u can only c
[05:10:26 PM] Simmo - "YAY: but then again, if i never try i will
never know, that is my philosophy, and there may be a
very small chance that she is thinking exactly the same
things as em
[05:10:28 PM] Simmo - "YAY: me
[05:11:23 PM] (li)"If a Ta: exactly
[05:11:37 PM] Simmo - "YAY: risk it all to gain it all
[05:12:30 PM] (li)"If a Ta: yep
[05:13:53 PM] Simmo - "YAY: It would still be awkward to talk to her.
and even if she doesnt want to talk, at least I may know
a bit about what she has been thinking the past few
months
[05:14:10 PM] (li)"If a Ta: u can only try and c wat she does
[05:14:38 PM] Simmo - "YAY: yea
-------
This post is also timely coz I may be seeing Tasha soon anyway. Bea's Party is finally this Saturday and since Tasha is one of her best friends she will probably be there. So wether I am ready or not I am going to be seeing and talking to Tasha this weekend. And that is why I want to ring her, to sort things out and know where I stand. And at the very least we would have more of an understanding of each other at the end of the conversation. That is unless she hangs up on me, but I don't think she will do that. The worst thing I could imagine at the moment would be to go to that party and Tasha doesn't speak to me, or even worst we would have a fight for some reason.
I am scared that whatever I say to Tasha, that I am going to make things worse for the both of us. But I have to try, for that is what I want to be; a person who tries and maybe someday I will win...
Also I am putting this post here because it is so sensitive, this post is one of the very examples of the reason why I made this password blog...
////simmo 10:40am
Is it wrong to still like her? or is it selfish, like a child still clinging to a moment that is lost?
Should I try again? she could be thinking the same things as me. Could I get a second chance, do I deserve a second chance?
These past few weeks have given me a lot time to think and I am slowly putting them into words. Though I still like Tasha I can now accept the fact that she may not. But still I must know, I don't know how she feels, but I still want to know. At the very least I want to know how she is going and most importantly, how she is coping. I am just hoping that maybe I am not alone, and that maybe she may be feeling the same thin, but I am also hoping she is coping with it a bit better than I am.
I guess what this whole post it really about is the fact that I am battling myself. One half wants to speak to Tasha so badly no matter what she say to me.
The other half want to get back to a sense of normality, either that or deep down that part is scared of rejection yet again.
We all long to be with another person. It will drive us to the extremes of our emotions, both the positive and the negative.
This post couldn't be more timely. It was brought upon by a conversation with a friend of mine
-------
[05:06:13 PM] (li)"If a Ta: do u still like her
[05:06:16 PM] (li)"If a Ta: it sounds like u do
[05:07:00 PM] Simmo - "YAY: In the end it doesn't matter if I still
like her, its wether she likes me anymore...
[05:07:29 PM] (li)"If a Ta: maybe ring her and ask in general chat is
she still single
[05:07:40 PM] (li)"If a Ta: and then ask if u can meet somewhere and
talk
[05:08:09 PM] Simmo - "YAY: makes sense seeing I haven't seen her since
last year
[05:08:28 PM] (li)"If a Ta: and if she is still available ask if she
wants
[05:08:40 PM] (li)"If a Ta: tor try again or your terms her and urs
[05:09:23 PM] Simmo - "YAY: yea, but i have put those chances to be
very low
[05:10:26 PM] (li)"If a Ta: u can only c
[05:10:26 PM] Simmo - "YAY: but then again, if i never try i will
never know, that is my philosophy, and there may be a
very small chance that she is thinking exactly the same
things as em
[05:10:28 PM] Simmo - "YAY: me
[05:11:23 PM] (li)"If a Ta: exactly
[05:11:37 PM] Simmo - "YAY: risk it all to gain it all
[05:12:30 PM] (li)"If a Ta: yep
[05:13:53 PM] Simmo - "YAY: It would still be awkward to talk to her.
and even if she doesnt want to talk, at least I may know
a bit about what she has been thinking the past few
months
[05:14:10 PM] (li)"If a Ta: u can only try and c wat she does
[05:14:38 PM] Simmo - "YAY: yea
-------
This post is also timely coz I may be seeing Tasha soon anyway. Bea's Party is finally this Saturday and since Tasha is one of her best friends she will probably be there. So wether I am ready or not I am going to be seeing and talking to Tasha this weekend. And that is why I want to ring her, to sort things out and know where I stand. And at the very least we would have more of an understanding of each other at the end of the conversation. That is unless she hangs up on me, but I don't think she will do that. The worst thing I could imagine at the moment would be to go to that party and Tasha doesn't speak to me, or even worst we would have a fight for some reason.
I am scared that whatever I say to Tasha, that I am going to make things worse for the both of us. But I have to try, for that is what I want to be; a person who tries and maybe someday I will win...
Also I am putting this post here because it is so sensitive, this post is one of the very examples of the reason why I made this password blog...
////simmo 10:40am
Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Just a short post, saying that I didnt get the interview for Big W broadmeadows. But I wont give up, I am going to print off some more resume's and go to smaller stores sometime this week...
//Simmo
//Simmo
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