Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Well, it has been a while hasn’t it?
I decided to post things here because there is less chance that anyone would see it, and yet I feel I need to post some of these things. I don't want to advertise these emotions and feeling on a page such as deviant art. So I chose here...
All I want
All I wanted was love,
a caring face,
a soft touch.
To be understood,
seen for who I am.
I am Simon,
definitely not perfect,
I have good intentions,
always wanting to be the best I can.
I am not expecting perfection,
just to be understood.
I want to be in love with someone for the right reasons.
I want to share my life with someone who will be there for me too.
I am not a strong person,
but I will fight for what is right.
29-09-05 | 11:48pm
Hurting
I have tried, god knows I have.
Things are not working right, and I am worried it is because of me. Is it my fault, and is that why you don’t want to see me?
I have tried doing it her way, leaving her to figure herself out. I have a feeling that...Cara has already figured herself out. Which is beside the point, the point is - it’s been 2 months. She may know where she is and how she feels. She may even know rightly that the relationship is over, but it is without me. She caused this situation, and is making it worse by not wanting to talk to, or even see me.
I care for her, and what I have been doing is with good intentions. to make it clear what we both want. Not just for me, but her. I can’t think that it is too much better for her, even if she is in control.
I am at the point where I do want to end it, Cara has given me no choice. I wanted to discuss it, I wanted to confront all of this before it got out of control. But she cut me off, and I cannot function this way. And no one expects me to. I am not being sad or weak for wishing to talk to her, quite the opposite. I am taking control for once. But it’s not easy, every time I try I just get pushed further back.
The saddest thing of all is that we promised ourselves that we would be honest to each other. This isn’t what Cara and I wanted. I have given up the fight. It is so very hard, Cara means, no meant so much to me. And the Cara now isn't...she is not the person I fell in love with.
Life sucks, at least at the moment...I want to move on...so much...
12:46am | 09-10-05
Collection
Am I going around this the wrong way?
Is there something else?
something big,
I am missing?
I want to know, believe me.
I want to help, don't stop me.
I care for you Cara,
why are you pushing me...
...away.
11:10pm | October 12, 2005
I will wait, if that is what you want.
I will ignore you, if that is what you want.
But it cannot go on forever,
reality must set in.
You must make a decision...
do you want me?
do you want my love?
...what do you want?
11:13pm | October 12, 2005
When will I know (it's over)
When will I feel (nothing)
What do I want (pain?)
If it’s all going to come crashing down,
can someone please tell me?
11:15pm | October 12, 2005
Is my life just going to be a pile of words, nothing more than a record of my misery?
If there is happiness out there, and if it is worth fighting for, when will I know?
I have grown so much, become a man some would say. But it doesn’t feel like it. At least not when it matters. I am still a scared, lonely, little boy. A boy who worries too much, pushing everyone away. Everyone that I love, everyone that I care for.
If life is meant to be good, when am I going to let people in?
11:22pm | October 12, 2005
Want
I want to know your likes, your dislikes.
Your wants, your desires.
Your hopes and your dreams.
I want to know, see and feel who you are as a person,
be your friend, and then we will se what goes from there.
And if all goes well, you will have discovered the same from me,
and hopefully liked it.
5:38pm | 19-10-05
Its is such a strange feeling, what I thought was exclusive to Cara. In fact is just the thrill of any new relationship. The concept of finding someone to be with is a huge rush, and it has been so long since I have felt anything like that.
Above all, it is knowing that a person...even from a first glance, has an interest in you. Simply because of who you are. If that can happen to me more often I wouldn’t be so depressed...
5:40pm | 19-10-05
Make or Break
I awoke in the middle of the night in a state of absolute fear.
Overcome by this massive feeling of dread, related to nothing in particular.
But I know what brought it on.
All hope of having Cara back is gone, even the irrational hope.
The feeling in my heart can only be described as emptiness, I have confronted the fact that I have lost my love for Cara.
It is only just beginning to dawn on me what my life will be like in the future. The past couple of months have been hard, but all I was only waiting for the answer.
There is no doubt I will get through this, I will be fine, I will find someone new, someone better. I will love again.
The tests and trials of a human life can break or make a person, I choose to make something of this.
11:06am | 30-10-05
I decided to post things here because there is less chance that anyone would see it, and yet I feel I need to post some of these things. I don't want to advertise these emotions and feeling on a page such as deviant art. So I chose here...
All I want
All I wanted was love,
a caring face,
a soft touch.
To be understood,
seen for who I am.
I am Simon,
definitely not perfect,
I have good intentions,
always wanting to be the best I can.
I am not expecting perfection,
just to be understood.
I want to be in love with someone for the right reasons.
I want to share my life with someone who will be there for me too.
I am not a strong person,
but I will fight for what is right.
29-09-05 | 11:48pm
Hurting
I have tried, god knows I have.
Things are not working right, and I am worried it is because of me. Is it my fault, and is that why you don’t want to see me?
I have tried doing it her way, leaving her to figure herself out. I have a feeling that...Cara has already figured herself out. Which is beside the point, the point is - it’s been 2 months. She may know where she is and how she feels. She may even know rightly that the relationship is over, but it is without me. She caused this situation, and is making it worse by not wanting to talk to, or even see me.
I care for her, and what I have been doing is with good intentions. to make it clear what we both want. Not just for me, but her. I can’t think that it is too much better for her, even if she is in control.
I am at the point where I do want to end it, Cara has given me no choice. I wanted to discuss it, I wanted to confront all of this before it got out of control. But she cut me off, and I cannot function this way. And no one expects me to. I am not being sad or weak for wishing to talk to her, quite the opposite. I am taking control for once. But it’s not easy, every time I try I just get pushed further back.
The saddest thing of all is that we promised ourselves that we would be honest to each other. This isn’t what Cara and I wanted. I have given up the fight. It is so very hard, Cara means, no meant so much to me. And the Cara now isn't...she is not the person I fell in love with.
Life sucks, at least at the moment...I want to move on...so much...
12:46am | 09-10-05
Collection
Am I going around this the wrong way?
Is there something else?
something big,
I am missing?
I want to know, believe me.
I want to help, don't stop me.
I care for you Cara,
why are you pushing me...
...away.
11:10pm | October 12, 2005
I will wait, if that is what you want.
I will ignore you, if that is what you want.
But it cannot go on forever,
reality must set in.
You must make a decision...
do you want me?
do you want my love?
...what do you want?
11:13pm | October 12, 2005
When will I know (it's over)
When will I feel (nothing)
What do I want (pain?)
If it’s all going to come crashing down,
can someone please tell me?
11:15pm | October 12, 2005
Is my life just going to be a pile of words, nothing more than a record of my misery?
If there is happiness out there, and if it is worth fighting for, when will I know?
I have grown so much, become a man some would say. But it doesn’t feel like it. At least not when it matters. I am still a scared, lonely, little boy. A boy who worries too much, pushing everyone away. Everyone that I love, everyone that I care for.
If life is meant to be good, when am I going to let people in?
11:22pm | October 12, 2005
Want
I want to know your likes, your dislikes.
Your wants, your desires.
Your hopes and your dreams.
I want to know, see and feel who you are as a person,
be your friend, and then we will se what goes from there.
And if all goes well, you will have discovered the same from me,
and hopefully liked it.
5:38pm | 19-10-05
Its is such a strange feeling, what I thought was exclusive to Cara. In fact is just the thrill of any new relationship. The concept of finding someone to be with is a huge rush, and it has been so long since I have felt anything like that.
Above all, it is knowing that a person...even from a first glance, has an interest in you. Simply because of who you are. If that can happen to me more often I wouldn’t be so depressed...
5:40pm | 19-10-05
Make or Break
I awoke in the middle of the night in a state of absolute fear.
Overcome by this massive feeling of dread, related to nothing in particular.
But I know what brought it on.
All hope of having Cara back is gone, even the irrational hope.
The feeling in my heart can only be described as emptiness, I have confronted the fact that I have lost my love for Cara.
It is only just beginning to dawn on me what my life will be like in the future. The past couple of months have been hard, but all I was only waiting for the answer.
There is no doubt I will get through this, I will be fine, I will find someone new, someone better. I will love again.
The tests and trials of a human life can break or make a person, I choose to make something of this.
11:06am | 30-10-05
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