Friday, August 06, 2004
I have no idea why I haven't posted recently, maybe that is why. I don't know what to write. Sure I can write short and meaningful poems. My journal entries require a bit more than a single thought or feeling. These entries are recollections or snapshots or moments in my life, sometimes in minute detail.
Where to start. School is going well, I got HD's (High Distinctions) and D's(Distinctions). The subjects are good, some are better than others, and mostly coz of the teachers. I do not like Visual Basic much, I don't like programming much. But then Networking is not being shown as being interesting either. The teacher has killed everything that I thought was interesting about it. I still wanna do Networking. I just don’t like the teacher.
And now, Wendy. A girl that has been in my class since the beginning, I have not talked to her, and neither have the rest of the class. Until this semester. She is nice, and reminds me horribly of Tasha. She also has a boyfriend. But the more I got to know her the more I saw the big differences between her and Tasha. And more importantly, the fact that I am not interested in her. One I can speak to her, if I was even slightly interested it would show. Coz I wouldn’t be speaking to her (Though Val is different, but don't see her enough, and don't even know if I like her or not.) Wendy is great to speak to, but is truly outta my league anyway, or to put it into nicer terms for me, not my type. She is a fashion victim, obsessed with her beauty with how she looks 24/7. I get how girls wan to look good for their partners and for themselves, but there are limits...
I have also been having a hard time with dealing with the opinions/help of others. Some say let go, others say that loosing is not an option. I have figured that out on my own *proudly puffs out chest* http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/9438422/ (lol, a poem for every thought and a thought for every poem). Everyone’s opinions are great, but none is greater than my own. Even though I have figured that out doesn't mean I am any closer to understand what I want though. That's an ever continuing battle.
I know I should be over Tasha, and should forget Tori. And at moments I believe that I have, but then there are the darker, weaker moments where I pine and ache for something, anything to fill the wide and bleeding hole. And what better to pine for at those times than the things that I have known or can at least comprehend. The past is an escape for the weak, the future a battle for the hopeful. And I am one, or the other, both or none. As predictable controllable as is the wind. At the moment I am neither, if i were weak there would be another page of Tasha and Tori. If I were hopeful there would be I also miss my friends. And hope that a party is hosted soon. But I am seeing Will tomorrow, the visit is long overdue. I should have organised it earlier, I miss the ease of school and constantly having friends around me.
What else?...not much. Not enough to start another thread of conversation with myself.
Until next time. Thanks for reading.
-Simon
Where to start. School is going well, I got HD's (High Distinctions) and D's(Distinctions). The subjects are good, some are better than others, and mostly coz of the teachers. I do not like Visual Basic much, I don't like programming much. But then Networking is not being shown as being interesting either. The teacher has killed everything that I thought was interesting about it. I still wanna do Networking. I just don’t like the teacher.
And now, Wendy. A girl that has been in my class since the beginning, I have not talked to her, and neither have the rest of the class. Until this semester. She is nice, and reminds me horribly of Tasha. She also has a boyfriend. But the more I got to know her the more I saw the big differences between her and Tasha. And more importantly, the fact that I am not interested in her. One I can speak to her, if I was even slightly interested it would show. Coz I wouldn’t be speaking to her (Though Val is different, but don't see her enough, and don't even know if I like her or not.) Wendy is great to speak to, but is truly outta my league anyway, or to put it into nicer terms for me, not my type. She is a fashion victim, obsessed with her beauty with how she looks 24/7. I get how girls wan to look good for their partners and for themselves, but there are limits...
I have also been having a hard time with dealing with the opinions/help of others. Some say let go, others say that loosing is not an option. I have figured that out on my own *proudly puffs out chest* http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/9438422/ (lol, a poem for every thought and a thought for every poem). Everyone’s opinions are great, but none is greater than my own. Even though I have figured that out doesn't mean I am any closer to understand what I want though. That's an ever continuing battle.
I know I should be over Tasha, and should forget Tori. And at moments I believe that I have, but then there are the darker, weaker moments where I pine and ache for something, anything to fill the wide and bleeding hole. And what better to pine for at those times than the things that I have known or can at least comprehend. The past is an escape for the weak, the future a battle for the hopeful. And I am one, or the other, both or none. As predictable controllable as is the wind. At the moment I am neither, if i were weak there would be another page of Tasha and Tori. If I were hopeful there would be I also miss my friends. And hope that a party is hosted soon. But I am seeing Will tomorrow, the visit is long overdue. I should have organised it earlier, I miss the ease of school and constantly having friends around me.
What else?...not much. Not enough to start another thread of conversation with myself.
Until next time. Thanks for reading.
-Simon
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