Friday, July 09, 2004
Times do get interesting don't they?
I didn’t expect anything to come from tonight except maybe a bit more time on the net and then going to sleep. How wrong I was. Walldo informed me that their band (Golgotha AD) are playing at Volt tonite. How amazing and frustrating it was.
At first I was worried if I would even see people that I know, but then I saw a group with Ika. And It soon became apparent that 1/3 of the whole audience were people that I have seen or meet previously. Alot were from Galvin, the others were just people that have been to parties. My friends always bring a smile to my face. I know that I am not alone when they greet me. Golgotha are playing 3rd and in the meantime there were 2 crappy bands to endure. Meanwhile Will told me that Tasha was here aswell. Now that is the cause of frustrations. I do not blame her at all for the way I am feeling now, I blame myself and my usual overreaction to anything and everything. First was my paranoia; I do not know why I wish to be so cruel to myself. But this is the past now and I am simply recounting it in detail....
My mind was imagining anyone could be Tasha, of course none were, no matter how long it has been, I would instantly recognise her, with no buts and no ifs. And then she did come up to talk to me, with a friend. She has not changed, still as beautiful as before, but still the reasoning was not there. We talked about nothing it was 2 minute conversation of "How are you?" and Good". Pointless and a mere "technicality".
That said it was good to see her again, and to see that she is doing well. Especially since the last time that I saw her was that memorable time back in December. And it is the first time I have seen her since she broke up with me, 7 months down the track. I should have seen this coming, there had to be a time when we would have seen each other again. Even if we did not want to. Werribee is small and we do have similar groups of friends. If the opportunity for a deep and meaningful conversation arose, I do not think that I would have known what to say. It has been so long, I would have not know where to start.
And now the time for me to ONCE AGAIN, pull apart a moment, spectactually overanalyse it, and think of a few hundred different ways that it could be handled. I need to change, to be able to cope with life in general, coz honestly I think the methods that I have now are not working enough. I know that in comparison to others, these things are nothing, but I am not them, and these are my experiences. They still hurt immensely. They matter to me, and they seem big to me, though even I would understand in time how little they matter in the big picture.
I felt that a blog entry was required because this is not a time where I am carefully thinking out each and every thing. The poems for this episode will come, but for the moment babble is upon me. And you (most probably a dear friend) are kind enough to read the senseless text that I am spewing out.
That said, let me go into the rest of the night, which amazingly was pretty good. I say that because I have never been to something like this before. You could definitely tell this was an underage thing, coz I swear a good chunk of the group looked 12-14. For once Ika wasn’t one of the youngest people.
Golgotha were great I have never heard them play live, but I enjoyed it immensely.
After Golgotha played they packed up and then a group of us had to leave. I had had enough of the surroundings so I went too. I was kind of hoping to speak to my friends more. But it wasn't really a choice place.
I got home at 10ish. As I said the night was amazing and frustrating for me, and now you know why :-)
///Simmo 11:02pm
I didn’t expect anything to come from tonight except maybe a bit more time on the net and then going to sleep. How wrong I was. Walldo informed me that their band (Golgotha AD) are playing at Volt tonite. How amazing and frustrating it was.
At first I was worried if I would even see people that I know, but then I saw a group with Ika. And It soon became apparent that 1/3 of the whole audience were people that I have seen or meet previously. Alot were from Galvin, the others were just people that have been to parties. My friends always bring a smile to my face. I know that I am not alone when they greet me. Golgotha are playing 3rd and in the meantime there were 2 crappy bands to endure. Meanwhile Will told me that Tasha was here aswell. Now that is the cause of frustrations. I do not blame her at all for the way I am feeling now, I blame myself and my usual overreaction to anything and everything. First was my paranoia; I do not know why I wish to be so cruel to myself. But this is the past now and I am simply recounting it in detail....
My mind was imagining anyone could be Tasha, of course none were, no matter how long it has been, I would instantly recognise her, with no buts and no ifs. And then she did come up to talk to me, with a friend. She has not changed, still as beautiful as before, but still the reasoning was not there. We talked about nothing it was 2 minute conversation of "How are you?" and Good". Pointless and a mere "technicality".
That said it was good to see her again, and to see that she is doing well. Especially since the last time that I saw her was that memorable time back in December. And it is the first time I have seen her since she broke up with me, 7 months down the track. I should have seen this coming, there had to be a time when we would have seen each other again. Even if we did not want to. Werribee is small and we do have similar groups of friends. If the opportunity for a deep and meaningful conversation arose, I do not think that I would have known what to say. It has been so long, I would have not know where to start.
And now the time for me to ONCE AGAIN, pull apart a moment, spectactually overanalyse it, and think of a few hundred different ways that it could be handled. I need to change, to be able to cope with life in general, coz honestly I think the methods that I have now are not working enough. I know that in comparison to others, these things are nothing, but I am not them, and these are my experiences. They still hurt immensely. They matter to me, and they seem big to me, though even I would understand in time how little they matter in the big picture.
I felt that a blog entry was required because this is not a time where I am carefully thinking out each and every thing. The poems for this episode will come, but for the moment babble is upon me. And you (most probably a dear friend) are kind enough to read the senseless text that I am spewing out.
That said, let me go into the rest of the night, which amazingly was pretty good. I say that because I have never been to something like this before. You could definitely tell this was an underage thing, coz I swear a good chunk of the group looked 12-14. For once Ika wasn’t one of the youngest people.
Golgotha were great I have never heard them play live, but I enjoyed it immensely.
After Golgotha played they packed up and then a group of us had to leave. I had had enough of the surroundings so I went too. I was kind of hoping to speak to my friends more. But it wasn't really a choice place.
I got home at 10ish. As I said the night was amazing and frustrating for me, and now you know why :-)
///Simmo 11:02pm
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