Sunday, May 23, 2004
To think the positively is a lot harder than it sounds. When so many negative scenatrios are playing through my head. And dont forget all of the negative experiences in my past havent really helped me thinking at this time.
I read that once you are confident in yourself and discover that you are worth it, the you have a positive healthier life in general. After all of these years of being convinced that no one woud want me, I have been given hope. And in true referance to my life, that hope was taken away as quickly as it was given. And just as there was no explanation for that hope in the beginning, there is no explanation of why it left.
But a glimer of that hope remains, and the feeling of happiness is something that I want back. Although not in exactly the same form. I never know, maybe things will become better than I could have imagined. Of course the pessimist in me is saying that, thinking positive will only make the distance that I fall that much higher. But I want to let go, I want to not know what could happen next. And to an extent, I want the exhilaration of the fear, the unknown, the excitement of it all.
Like everything actions always have their downsides, but I would like to hope that acting on my instincts, my heart, on faith; is when the best things could happen. If I were to think about it, I wouldnt go through with it. I would err on the side of caution. And who knows what I could miss out on if I were to do that all of the time. And I always hope that the bad experiences can be learned from and in the end be seen as a good thing.
Once again a healthy rant :)
//Simmo
"Carpe Diem - Seize the day"
I read that once you are confident in yourself and discover that you are worth it, the you have a positive healthier life in general. After all of these years of being convinced that no one woud want me, I have been given hope. And in true referance to my life, that hope was taken away as quickly as it was given. And just as there was no explanation for that hope in the beginning, there is no explanation of why it left.
But a glimer of that hope remains, and the feeling of happiness is something that I want back. Although not in exactly the same form. I never know, maybe things will become better than I could have imagined. Of course the pessimist in me is saying that, thinking positive will only make the distance that I fall that much higher. But I want to let go, I want to not know what could happen next. And to an extent, I want the exhilaration of the fear, the unknown, the excitement of it all.
Like everything actions always have their downsides, but I would like to hope that acting on my instincts, my heart, on faith; is when the best things could happen. If I were to think about it, I wouldnt go through with it. I would err on the side of caution. And who knows what I could miss out on if I were to do that all of the time. And I always hope that the bad experiences can be learned from and in the end be seen as a good thing.
Once again a healthy rant :)
//Simmo
"Carpe Diem - Seize the day"
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