Friday, May 28, 2004
If you havent read or heard it from me I will write it here too. For you aswel as for me. Have I written it here before? I have given up on looking at least for the moment. I still cant beleive how foolish I have been in the past few weeks, thinking that she would be interested. She talks to me, she doesnt, I have had enough. If anything was going to happen it would have by now. I was stupid for having the hope that anything could happen.
I have also come to the realisation that my feelings are my feelings and are no lesser important in comparison to anyone elses. For some reason I thought when I was sad, that since someone else was more depressed. That I was not as depressed, so not able to be depressed. If it sounds stupid, its coz it is. The very thought of my feelings being less important than anothers is sensational. But I did think it. And I have only just begun to beleive that what I feel is actually real and is more than something that should be ignored. I am depressed. Maybe not as much as others, but still the fact remains that I have been hut and as a result I am depressed.
It is not only the Tori thing. I had hope, and thought there was some chance of something happening. Wether I like it or not I was using it to get over Tasha. And now that I have nothing I am left in an lonely situation.
I have said it many times, and I will say it yet again. I miss it. I miss somone caring for me, holding me, hugging me. My friends and family are great. Without them, I dont know how I would be right now. But when they are not around. I cant help think about the negative things in life, of all the missed chances. And questioning why I should still have hope. coz that is what I am doing now. At first it is OK to feel like this, everyone goes through it. And everyone gets out of it. But I am taking longer than I expected. Can it be expected?
I now know I miss Tasha, but that is what I am really missing, I miss companionship, partnership, the bond that people have. However little I experienced, I still experienced it, and I miss it. Terribly.
Oh well, thats enough emotional unloading for today.
catchya later
///Simmo
I have also come to the realisation that my feelings are my feelings and are no lesser important in comparison to anyone elses. For some reason I thought when I was sad, that since someone else was more depressed. That I was not as depressed, so not able to be depressed. If it sounds stupid, its coz it is. The very thought of my feelings being less important than anothers is sensational. But I did think it. And I have only just begun to beleive that what I feel is actually real and is more than something that should be ignored. I am depressed. Maybe not as much as others, but still the fact remains that I have been hut and as a result I am depressed.
It is not only the Tori thing. I had hope, and thought there was some chance of something happening. Wether I like it or not I was using it to get over Tasha. And now that I have nothing I am left in an lonely situation.
I have said it many times, and I will say it yet again. I miss it. I miss somone caring for me, holding me, hugging me. My friends and family are great. Without them, I dont know how I would be right now. But when they are not around. I cant help think about the negative things in life, of all the missed chances. And questioning why I should still have hope. coz that is what I am doing now. At first it is OK to feel like this, everyone goes through it. And everyone gets out of it. But I am taking longer than I expected. Can it be expected?
I now know I miss Tasha, but that is what I am really missing, I miss companionship, partnership, the bond that people have. However little I experienced, I still experienced it, and I miss it. Terribly.
Oh well, thats enough emotional unloading for today.
catchya later
///Simmo
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