Wednesday, May 26, 2004
Ashes
I have decided to go with the option of not trying anymore. To not bother her and just give up.
I think that was made pretty clear over the past few weeks. And I foolishly believed that I could talk to her and maybe become friends.
I understand that maybe it wasn't meant to happen, and I have a hard time moving on most of the time. Maybe I should have taken the hint when shot down for the first time.
People often say that they find things when they aren't looking for it. And they tend to be the more rewarding relationships.
I know all of this but I still have one flaw at least, I am impatient, I don't want to continue hurting, I want to be happy. Is that too much to ask for. I made the wrong choice, I put too much of my heart into a foolish crush. But still it is done and nothing can turn back time.
I can still look positively at it all. It has helped me with getting over Tasha, even though there is now the added task of getting over Tori. It wont be as hard. I will never get over Tasha, nothing will help me with that. I will find other things that are different, possibly perceived as better. But nothing could compare, she showed me that I am not useless, and that there are people out there that would find me attractive. The innocence of the relationship is what I loved, the simple things being the most important, not only because they are the only things happening. I enjoyed my time with Tasha. And I asked myself this question; "Do I miss her as much as I think?". I still miss her, but maybe what I am missing the most is the emotions, the feelings that I felt when around her. What she gave me I valued. And did not compare it. And I can never thank her enough for that. I do wish that we could have lasted longer, but that cannot be helped just as the current situation cannot be helped.
My intentions are pure, I do not look at the women that I like and think about what I could do with them. I care for them and I don't think like that much even when in the relationship. As many of my writings have shown I am hungry for companionship, for someone to like me, WANT me. And most of all, I want them to feel the same way too, and be as happy as I am when we are together.
With all of these qualities, I know there is someone out there that will appreciate me. I just haven't found them yet, maybe I should stop looking and go with the flow and maybe, just maybe it will find me.
I feel the urge to comment on my work. lol, that's what happens when I post on DA too often :-)
But there isn't much to say cept this is yet another venting of my soul, baring my innermost feelings, in the hope that this will lighten my burden. I usually feel better after typing a lot, it helps me organise my thoughts and that is why I write so often and at these opportune times...
Well that's enough from me :)
cya
//Simmo 3:02pm
I have decided to go with the option of not trying anymore. To not bother her and just give up.
I think that was made pretty clear over the past few weeks. And I foolishly believed that I could talk to her and maybe become friends.
I understand that maybe it wasn't meant to happen, and I have a hard time moving on most of the time. Maybe I should have taken the hint when shot down for the first time.
People often say that they find things when they aren't looking for it. And they tend to be the more rewarding relationships.
I know all of this but I still have one flaw at least, I am impatient, I don't want to continue hurting, I want to be happy. Is that too much to ask for. I made the wrong choice, I put too much of my heart into a foolish crush. But still it is done and nothing can turn back time.
I can still look positively at it all. It has helped me with getting over Tasha, even though there is now the added task of getting over Tori. It wont be as hard. I will never get over Tasha, nothing will help me with that. I will find other things that are different, possibly perceived as better. But nothing could compare, she showed me that I am not useless, and that there are people out there that would find me attractive. The innocence of the relationship is what I loved, the simple things being the most important, not only because they are the only things happening. I enjoyed my time with Tasha. And I asked myself this question; "Do I miss her as much as I think?". I still miss her, but maybe what I am missing the most is the emotions, the feelings that I felt when around her. What she gave me I valued. And did not compare it. And I can never thank her enough for that. I do wish that we could have lasted longer, but that cannot be helped just as the current situation cannot be helped.
My intentions are pure, I do not look at the women that I like and think about what I could do with them. I care for them and I don't think like that much even when in the relationship. As many of my writings have shown I am hungry for companionship, for someone to like me, WANT me. And most of all, I want them to feel the same way too, and be as happy as I am when we are together.
With all of these qualities, I know there is someone out there that will appreciate me. I just haven't found them yet, maybe I should stop looking and go with the flow and maybe, just maybe it will find me.
I feel the urge to comment on my work. lol, that's what happens when I post on DA too often :-)
But there isn't much to say cept this is yet another venting of my soul, baring my innermost feelings, in the hope that this will lighten my burden. I usually feel better after typing a lot, it helps me organise my thoughts and that is why I write so often and at these opportune times...
Well that's enough from me :)
cya
//Simmo 3:02pm
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