Friday, April 09, 2004
I am never too sure what women think, and I don't understand them very well, like every other guy in ther world. And it is even harder to understand a woman that you hardly know.
This is not a good thing for me, I have a whole week to overanalyse an ambiguous situation. And I can't stop myself. I have a bad habit of discussing a problem before actually showing it don't I? If it makes you want to keep reading, then there isn't a problem.
Yesterday was the last day of term 1, and we only have one weeks holidays :-( . Anyways before starting we were just waiting. And Tori and one of her friends walks past, I gained the courage to get up and go up and speak to her. I say hello, and some stupid comment that they wouldnt care about (can't help it), then another one of her friends that I haven't been introduced to yet introduces herself, her name is Z and she is a quitely spoken well mannered girl, reminds me alot of Lukas. For some reason why I am speaking to Z ,Tori used this oppertunity to "run away". This is the part I do not understand, was she scared or embarrassed? I have no idea and the worst thing is that I wont know for another week!
I just want to talk to her, that's not wrong is it? I'm not asking for any more than she is willing to give. If she wants friendship, I would be happy, and if she offers more than I would be even happier. And if she doesn't want to know me at all, I cant accept that too. I just want to know, not knowing is the worst thing in the world, it makes my mind wander and think up every possible situation. And I don't want to do that.
I know the decision is up to her, but I still want to know. Not being told, I just want to know.
I seem to be harping on a point, but if that is what's on my mind, then that is what I am going to type.
The one good thing about this is no matter what happens with Tori, it is still helping me get over Tasha, instead of writing depressive posts about love lost, I am writing optimistic posts about what love I can gain.
That said, I am not going to use my next girlfriend(whoever she is) as a way of getting over Tasha, in the end I think that the next relationship will be great because it is going to be better than the last. In a very crude way, relationships are all learning experiences, and in the end I will find someone and do everything right and spend the rest of my life with her...
To end this post this is a poem I wrote shortly after yet another failed attempt of trying to talk to Tori, I had my notebook with me on this day, which was very convinient...
"Did I do something wrong?
I don't know what to do next,
I'm afraid,
If it does not work out then fine,
but why does she run?
Is she embarrassed?
Is she scared?
I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable,
I just want to know" (11:20am | 07-04-04)
//Simmo
This is not a good thing for me, I have a whole week to overanalyse an ambiguous situation. And I can't stop myself. I have a bad habit of discussing a problem before actually showing it don't I? If it makes you want to keep reading, then there isn't a problem.
Yesterday was the last day of term 1, and we only have one weeks holidays :-( . Anyways before starting we were just waiting. And Tori and one of her friends walks past, I gained the courage to get up and go up and speak to her. I say hello, and some stupid comment that they wouldnt care about (can't help it), then another one of her friends that I haven't been introduced to yet introduces herself, her name is Z and she is a quitely spoken well mannered girl, reminds me alot of Lukas. For some reason why I am speaking to Z ,Tori used this oppertunity to "run away". This is the part I do not understand, was she scared or embarrassed? I have no idea and the worst thing is that I wont know for another week!
I just want to talk to her, that's not wrong is it? I'm not asking for any more than she is willing to give. If she wants friendship, I would be happy, and if she offers more than I would be even happier. And if she doesn't want to know me at all, I cant accept that too. I just want to know, not knowing is the worst thing in the world, it makes my mind wander and think up every possible situation. And I don't want to do that.
I know the decision is up to her, but I still want to know. Not being told, I just want to know.
I seem to be harping on a point, but if that is what's on my mind, then that is what I am going to type.
The one good thing about this is no matter what happens with Tori, it is still helping me get over Tasha, instead of writing depressive posts about love lost, I am writing optimistic posts about what love I can gain.
That said, I am not going to use my next girlfriend(whoever she is) as a way of getting over Tasha, in the end I think that the next relationship will be great because it is going to be better than the last. In a very crude way, relationships are all learning experiences, and in the end I will find someone and do everything right and spend the rest of my life with her...
To end this post this is a poem I wrote shortly after yet another failed attempt of trying to talk to Tori, I had my notebook with me on this day, which was very convinient...
"Did I do something wrong?
I don't know what to do next,
I'm afraid,
If it does not work out then fine,
but why does she run?
Is she embarrassed?
Is she scared?
I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable,
I just want to know" (11:20am | 07-04-04)
//Simmo
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